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Once again, Aly is an emotionally constipated bitch.

A friend of mine likes me. Again. And I have to push her away. Again.

She wants to help me, to work with me, to fucking fix me because she wants me, above everything, to be okay. I can't let another person do that. I can't. The minute I start leaning on people other than myself again I'm going to fall apart. I know that about myself, but I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to be the kind of person who does this to people, over and over and over again: denying them emotional closeness because I'm afraid.

But the thought makes me physically ill. I want to throw up, I'm having cold sweats, and my heart rate hasn't slowed down enough to let me sleep in eleven hours. I can't do this. I can't be close to people outside of the context of friendship. I just can't.

I don't know how to say that to her.

- Aly